I am currently attending a sixthform college at the moment but i'm in a weird and kind of frustrating situation, i have made friends there and have settled in, which is great but the thing is there not exactly the amazing outgoing type that will invite you to go out and go to parties etc, so i often find myself quite alone and on the weekends i usually just stay in. You may think well i should just organise something but trust me the majority of the friends i had have 'moved on' and i don't really see them anymore and the friends that i have made are nice but i'm not close enough with them yet to ask them to go places etc, it would be kinda weird you know?
The other problem is that no girls hang out with us guys, so therefore i am stuck in trying to get a girlfriend, i know girls... but there just friends, i havn't met anyone where i think ye i think she likes me and i like her and if that did happen and everything felt right then i would say i have enough confidence to ask her out. However as i said no girls hang out with us and i just can't meet anyone, hence the situation is frustrating.
I had myspace about half a year ago but i didn't like it because it felt weird and i just wasn't comfortable with it also there were people from my old highschool that were on it whom i didn't get on with that well, so i t made it all awkward, i intend not to go on anything like facebook or anything again because i much prefer to talk to people face to face and i think there are a lot of fake 'friends' on those networks.
My grades havn't been that great at college, and i'm trying my best, i'm scared i may have to retake a year or just leave.
I often find myself just very lonely even if there are people surrounding me, i know i should try and make the most of things though and getting in to a relationship shouldn't be my main goal in life, but hey we all want someone to love right?
I think i used to suffer from bad Obsessional Compulsive Disorder but it is improving compared to what it was but sometimes i get disturbing thoughts in my head like e.g. Killing someone, which is something i don't want to do and i know is wrong, buts its very frustrating that i have to have this problem, my anger levels, swearing and anxiety have increased i have noticed so i'm trying to work on keeping myself calm.
Also another wierd thing i used to think i was fairly good looking and i would get compliments from girls but my eye sight got worse and i have to wear glasses so i feel less attractive and that i won't be able to get a girlfriend and no-one will want to love me as they may just find someone better, it may sound silly but i just do feel this way.
