What cannot contain me.

I find myself mumbling one half of a conversation when no one is there, the love of my life left me and I didn't blink, do I have a soul? I believe that there is scientific evidence of souls and the like, whenever I find a soothsayer or meet with a psychic they tell me I have a high amount of energy within my being as if my aura is some kind of beacon that escapes my own body. I started working out, the strain and pain help me place my attention back into my physical being but then it's blocked off from everything else. It's like walking around in a constant daze, forgetting to eat, sleep, talk to my friends and family sometimes I even forget to go to the bathroom. When I brought this up to a philosopher buddy of mine he said that my mind is on a higher plane, it's lightly tethered to me and I can't get it to focus on things that effect me in real life, I hallucinate and yell just because I feel like it... I feel lost in my own thoughts and dreams, my life just seems so insignificant now. Does anyone else have this problem? The feeling that life is a dream and that even though I could lose it at any moment it wouldn't be a big deal because some how my thoughts will persist, my mind and body are barely one anymore.

Well I had similar feelings on excessive drug consume, but being always in this state must be horrible... Did you expierence any traumitic loss or did you see any sort of crime in front of your eyes in your childhood? I ain't no expert, but i think this can lead to a lack of feelings because the mind trys to save itself from painfull emotions.

If you don't mind me asking - do you take any sort of psychoactive medications?

More_Cowbell wrote:

If you don't mind me asking - do you take any sort of psychoactive medications?

I would like to know as well.

Auctually I have some of these symptoms but only in certain cases. Sometimes I have day dreams that are so immersive I can miss 3/4 of a lecture in school, even if the begining of the daydream starts with the thought " wow I need to pay more attention in school ". Also I've had several relatives and pets die over my lifetime, hell my best friend died when she and I were six. For years I have been contemplating and searching for a reason for a meaningfull existence but I never do. I'm A very negative and complex person yet I frequently give people the opposite impression. This has gotten to the point where I constantly and subconciouslly Lie and fake emotions of myself and others to get what i want. I don't even realize I used and manipulated myself and some one else until it's all done with. As soon as I realized that I felt more empty and callased than ever. I can't have a shred of emotion without examining it to see if it was genuine. As for you I must tell you never stop looking for reason or a calling, because it is the very thing that keeps you from bieng a ill willed shell whos only waiting out his life out to be put in the ground and have it over with. Don't let life callase you anymore than it already has.
Personally I might recomend seeking a relationship or opening up to your current partner, because bieng lonely will only hurt the current situation your in. If anything can contain you it's probably somebody else,and who knows? Maybe you can return the favor for them?

Epic_Phials wrote:

Auctually I have some of these symptoms but only in certain cases. Sometimes I have day dreams that are so immersive I can miss 3/4 of a lecture in school, even if the begining of the daydream starts with the thought " wow I need to pay more attention in school ". Also I've had several relatives and pets die over my lifetime, hell my best friend died when she and I were six. For years I have been contemplating and searching for a reason for a meaningfull existence but I never do. I'm A very negative and complex person yet I frequently give people the opposite impression. This has gotten to the point where I constantly and subconciouslly Lie and fake emotions of myself and others to get what i want. I don't even realize I used and manipulated myself and some one else until it's all done with. As soon as I realized that I felt more empty and callased than ever. I can't have a shred of emotion without examining it to see if it was genuine. As for you I must tell you never stop looking for reason or a calling, because it is the very thing that keeps you from bieng a ill willed shell whos only waiting out his life out to be put in the ground and have it over with. Don't let life callase you anymore than it already has.
Personally I might recomend seeking a relationship or opening up to your current partner, because bieng lonely will only hurt the current situation your in. If anything can contain you it's probably somebody else,and who knows? Maybe you can return the favor for them?

By the time I was 14, I had been to a total of nine funerals. I understand what losing someone means, and how it hurts.

Frankly.......It sucks.