feeling a lil lost...

Hey guys,

I have been feeling a lil down the last few years...

It hasnt been all that bad but there has been alot of things going on that just seem to get to me some times.
I have a girlfriend, probably the reason im still alive, I have a nice job, and life isnt bad. But let me get into
a lil more detail why sometimes things dont seem so good.

You know, I feel like I dont have to cover anything up here or pretend or anything like that so heres a lil info.
I just turned 20, I graduated highschool 3 years ago, I dont smoke, dont drink, dont do drugs, dont do anything
like that. It just wasnt my bag, I never pushed my reasoning or anything like that, its your life, do what you want!
I do image design for a sign shop here in town, and I currently reside in my old mans basement.

Moving on,

I will start off with my g.f., she and i love each other to death... at least I think so lol. Some days we can be as
tight as any two people can be, and some days it gets a little to much. I would never hit the girl at all, but sometimes
when we get into an argument she ends up slappin me, punchin me, or the rare kick to the pills... Not really the best
things to recieve (sometimes I had it coming though lol). She will do this, than she will feel bad and get all quiet, and than
she will always use the excuse that thats how she grew up. Now see her parents treat her like crap. Her dad beats her once and a while, her parents spreads lies
around town saying shes a whore, and it even ends up being about me! They had the nerve to call me "Broken Equipment"
when they found out my parents were divorced. Oh boy I tell ya, they will get a good tongue lashin' one day. It just
really gets to me when I hear all these bull crap rumors and poo like that getting spread around by them, and than
having to deal with my g.f.'s stuff some days. I sometimes become quite an asshole but I dont mean it, its just
a bad funk I seem to get into. Theres only so many putdowns a person can take right?
One thing I dont know for sure about is if I am just holding back my own life waiting for my girlfriend to start hers...
She has been kicked out before by her parents and she ended up living with me and my dad, and it was good. Things came
up with her parents (yet again bull poo from them), and she moved back in with them it was effing RETARDED. But
I didnt hold it against her, or say anything hurtful to her. She is taking a business course here at the local college
and she is just about done but I feel in a sense jealous. I have given up many job oppurtunities, get togethers, etc for this
girl and it seems like some days she just doesnt give a damn. I feel like if I was to take something along the lines of an apprenticeship,
where I would have to do a month or so schooling at a time she would be angry because the amount of time we would spend together wouldnt be sufficient...
I understand her desire to be with me and it feels good but at the same time I feel like I might end up losing alot of valuable time!

It saddens me to somedays think of all the good times i've heard about from friends, and sometimes feeling like I cheated
myself out of my living life by each moment by being with her... Theres alot I want to do but I think she see's it
as all an excuse to get away from her. I've grown up as a loaner and a single child, where as she has grown up with her parents
bullcrap, aswell as a brother who as much as she says she loves him, treats her like crap. Is it possibly due to the fact that shes just always
had some sort of attention in her life that she thinks im trying to get away? I love her but sometimes I just want to be alone from everyone and shut
off the ol cell phone and relax. I sometimes see myself getting more and more stressed out from her and her family than anything else! But I
have stuck with her for about 2 and a half years now and we have had many ups and downs. I love the girl with all my heart but
I dont know if im not getting say a type of respect or personal freedom I feel I deserve? I am not sure but hey, this is
life and I dont know everything or have all the answers!


Alright thats alot of typing for now and I dont wanna bombard everyone with questions and such right off the bat, but thanks in advance to any one and everyone
who can help, or atleast enlighten me one way or another


Thanks digitilsoul for putting up such a great forum!

You HAVE TO say to her your desires, that you want a time for yourself I know it sounds rough but it's the only way she can know what are your desires. And if her response is positive, it may be a sign she truly loves and understand you...try it out.

You've been together for a while, which shows your relationship is solid which is good, if you want to get an apprenticeship or something, i would tell her how you feel about this, say this is what you really want to do, if she loves you then she should respect that, maybe shes not quite ready for a change where you may go to a college, in time she should accept this change.
Remember embrace your dreams and live them, you can still move forward while being with her, her parents seem to be awkward, is there anyway of chatting to them about things, putting things in the past and moving on?

Embrace your dreams, Best of luck.

thanks guy

as for her parents they seem pretty set in there ways as you wouldnt believe how many times ive tried to show
them that im not the prick they seem to think I am. I used to work for her mom as a bag bitch at the grocery store like years upon years ago
and I quit without notice as thats when my parents were starting to get nasty towards eachother and I was just losing all hope.

Her parents always tell my gf that im no good and that I will never find a job.... lol I make more than her parents so her and
I just laugh at things like that

But anyways I gotta headout since its valentines day, Catch you guys later and again thanks for everything!