Long distance relationships :/

Hey everyone, i'm new here and I had a question about a long distance relationship i'm in right now...I don't feel like typing the whole story out unless people are willing to give me advice so if you are willing to help me out just reply...thnks

-Kris

Safehaven wrote:

The people here are always willing to help I've yet to see them turn someone down

What the problem?

*I said Good Day!!*

Hey, so I am back with this ex of mine...he is an ex-ex-ex-ex and we broke up I think it was a week after the 4th of July 2007 and the reason was I cheated on him with this guy at my work cuz I worked at a grocery store at the time (don't know if you have heard of bashas') and there was this knew guy in the deli I thought was really hot. Me and him hung out the Tuesday before the 4th of July and I ended up kissing him then on the 4th of July we ended up having sex, he stole my virginity. I called my boyfriend I think a week later after sleeping with this guy because I was afraid to tell him cuz I felt really bad about what I had done I broke up with him cuz I knew that I could just stay with him and keep everything a secret but I didn't want to do him like that so I just told him I met this guy and I wanted to break up. I think it was about 4 or 5 months later I called him and he said he was going to be graduating soon and so we planned that I would come to it since he came to mine before we broke up and we promised each other we would go to each others graduations even if we weren't together anymore. I asked him if he knew I had slept with the guy that I left him for when I called him and told him I was leaving him and he said he had a feeling I had. Just incase you are curious, Richard my ex-ex-ex-ex that I just got back with lived in Wickenburg, Arizona when I cheated on him cuz he had to move there with his mom to live with his grandma cuz he was poor and had to leave the homeless shelter he lived in. Anyways, he used to live in Phoenix, Arizona where I live and we had a great relationship when I could see him but I never got to see him when he moved up there except for one time when he came to church camp with me for a week. Well, that is the biggest reason I cheated on him because I was really lonely. The way we have ended up back together now is cuz he e-mailed me randomly while I was with one of my most recent ex's and we just started talking as friends after we hadn't talked since his graduation which was sometime about 6 months after we broke up in 2007 and I haden't talked to him since. Anyways, just before me and my ex broke up for good I had talked to Richard and asked him if it didn't work out with me and John (my ex) if he would want us to get back together and he said he would really like that. Anyways, it wasn't long after that conversation that John left me for the second time. I called Richard right after John broke up with me on the phone and told him what happened and that I want to be with him again because he always loved me no matter what and the fact that he had actually forgiven me for cheating on him was just shocking...it's not like it could be that he missed the sex or anything cuz we were together for 10 months and had never had sex. Anyways, it seems we are meant to be together considering the circumstances and well unfortunately he lives in Spring valley, Arizona right now which is still like an hour to two hours away from me and I don't know if it is really worth it cuz i'm afraid even though we are technically dating again I will get lonely cuz he isn't here to hold me or kiss me and I will cheat on him again and I don't want to do that and ruin my second chance with him cuz I honestly have always loved him and had a place for him in my heart. I just don't know what to do, I kinda don't even feel like we are dating cuz when we talk to each other we talk on his moms phone cuz he doesn't have one and we can't talk long cuz she doesn't have a lot of minutes and when I e-mail me it takes him a little longer than usual cuz he doesn't have a computer so he has to go to the library to reply to my e-mails. Well, recently I sent him a message asking him to ask his mom if I could maybe come live with him and his mom because if I don't find a job by June 1st my mom is going to take me to a homeless shelter, but he said he doesn't think his mom will go with it and I dunno if I should even continue the relationship cuz it feels like it isn't going to get any better any time soon. On top of that I really want to get married and have a daughter, though not right after we get married gotta make sure we have a house and a job and even getting married seems like it won't be for another 3 or 4 years and i'm already 20 so I really don't want to wait till then i'm getting older and more mature my woman like instincts to make a family for myself are starting to seriously kick in and i'm even more wanting to get married now cuz I was actually engaged to my ex John at one point but he said we weren't going to be engaged after the first break up from me. Anyways, I just don't want to stay in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere anytime soon cuz I have had enough pointless relationships. I dunno what to do cuz there has to be a way I can see him or marry him sooner or something. I'm getting lonely being by myself all the time even though i'm technically with someone.

-Kris

Safehaven wrote:

In my opinion Long Distance relationships take alot of strength between the to people in it. If you feel like the two of you were mean't to be together then you should try an work it out with him about the whole marriage thing but your going to have to be honest. I live in AZ Spring valley isn't that far from phoenix why not go visit him?

I am confused and useless for this story but I think Thelovedoctor could help you better then I can.

Well, I know this is going to sound crazy but I don't have a drivers license and even if I did I don't have a car to drive or the money to buy one or pay for insurance since i'm unemployed and living with my mom. I choose not to drive and instead have chosen to take the bus when I need to go somewhere and nobody else can take me because i'm afraid of driving, I am afraid I will get in a car accident. I know it sounds crazy but that is how I have always been even more so since my mom, sister, and grandmother got in a car accident. So ya, and maybe "thelovedoctor" could help me better.

-Kris

Safehaven wrote:

I rather take the bus or the Lightrail just for the fun of it, its safer then driving around here. Its understandable, most of my friends don't have there license for the same reason.

Yeah everyone here gives great advice this just sounds like something that one of the guys could help you with. I don't really have any relationship experience.

*I said Good Day!!!*

Do you have msn messanger, yahoo messanger, or aim messanger cuz if you do can we talk on there cuz it's faster and I was wondering if you could show me a pic of you cuz I wanna see if I recognize you.

-Kris

hey is you wanted to talk to me my email is mewto1000@hotmail.com. just add me on msn and we can talk

I will make a post below and cause you are not online at the moment

The relationship that you mentioned is not really long distance, it only seems like long distance because of the lack of cars, money and licenses. By the looks of it, Don't get mad Dtox, it doesn't seem like you should even be in a relationship right now. It seems to me that you both need to figure your own stuff out before you join together. You need to get a steady job and steady pay.


But as you said, you will get lonely, so IMHO i think that if you are gunna be with anyone, it should be this guy, Richard. But also, if you feel that you are going to cheat on him again, maybe you might just want to wait it out untill you can see each other more.

It seems that you and richard have this connection and i would like to see you give it another try but i would not like you to miss this opportunity because of lack of ability to see each other. If you can wait it out with each other untill you both can afford to see each other, I would do that.


The other thing is, you really need to talk to him about it. It seems like you have a lot on your mind that you need to discuss with him. You both need to be on the same page when restarting this relationship so you can both know what to expect and you can built your level of trust in each other. Sort of like a promise that you will wait it out until the economy gets better before you start the relationship fullforce.


Just talk to him about it and see what he feels and thinks