yeah...........

this is just something i've been need ing to get off my chest. so here goes

about five months ago i was raped by a man 9 years older than me at a party. i was drunk and he was completely sober. at first i didn't really understand what happened because i didn't remember much of it. it's not like it was violent and he held me down or anything, i just layed there. i've recently been having flashbacks kinda, of his voice asking me if it felt good. and just the image of him, but it makes me sick.

i haven't told my family, but i've told a few true friends. they are all sympathetic but i don't think they really get it. after the incident i decided i shouldn't party much anymore. so now i'm trying to get away from the friends that might pressure me into drinking and drugs again.

i haven't let this incident ruin my life, but i just feel somewhat isolated and like i'm a different person. i used to go out all the time and now i find myself just wanting to stay home and sleep.

That's horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you, that's a truely disgusting thing to have someone do. Specialized counselling might be beneficial. It sounds like this is weighing heavily on your emotional well-being.

How has this effected your emotional life and your interpersonal relationships?

i don't trust guys as much as i used to.. i started dating a guy 2 months after it happened and i wouldn't let him touch me. he dumped me because i couldn't get intimate
and i'm just scared it will happen again

That's very understandable.

i feel like i should be over it by now

Im very sorry for what happened.
I hope that wasnt your first sexual experience, because it wouldnt be easy to forget.
God, sometimes i wish guys could be allot nicer in this world, it sucks having all this happen to a person.
Especially with how traumatic it can be.
Still, sex is a great thing. Sure it can be used in offensive ways, but sex is made for love.
Love is a very important part of your life, it's what created us all.(even if the love lasted for a short time.)
So next time you date someone, try to be open about your feelings with sex and maybe let them guide you towards making love again.
I hope this helps you.

tsdoll wrote:

i feel like i should be over it by now

I can understand where you are coming from there, but try not to put any artificial timelines on yourself. Try to give yourself all the emotional space you can to digest and contextualize this traumatic event. And if it sounds like a helpful idea, seek professional counselling, a support group or both, this may be beneficial.

no it wasn't my first sexual experience, but it was my first time having sex.
and i want to have normal relationships but i feel like i can't right now and i don't know when i'll be able to

I appreciate your courage and willingness to be open about these personal issues, this must be difficult and it is praise worthy for you to have overcome it.

It's quite unfortunate that this happened to you, especially because you were in such an impressionable state. Moving beyond this and healing yourself to such a point where you will be able to enjoy a normal relationship will be difficult. But I would like to stress the importance of giving yourself space to heal, and perhaps an experienced individual in these matters to help you through the process. Please allow yourself to take as much time as you need to emotionally sort through this.

thanks.
when it first happened i pretty much blocked all the memories out, and it didn't affect me that much. recently i've just been getting the flashbacks over and over again. i seriously can't stop thinking about it

Is there a set of circumstances/situations/events which precipitate or trigger these flashbacks? Or are the memories apparently unconditional? Has there been a change in life circumstance somewhat congruent to the emergence of these flashbacks (i.e. a person, a new place, etc)?

idk. like i used to go out a lot and be with people . but recently since i've been trying to get rid of my partying friends i've been staying at home a lot... so i have a lot of time to think. abotu what happened. i think that im getting them because i'm thinking about it all the time

I'm really sorry for what happened to you. Going out and being social is fine and all, but I see more and more teenagers going out getting drunk at parties and clubs then being hurt as a result. There is nothing wrong with staying at home instead of going out. Ignore the peer pressure urging you to go out and get into trouble. If you want to be social try to stick to public places that don't involve alchohol. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm saying it's your fault, it's not. I just suggest you try to prevent something like this from happening again.

This is something you won't just forget about. You honestly need to sit down and talk with your parents about it, no matter how hard it is. Seeing a professional who deals with these sorts of things would also be a good idea. Not all men are evil, you need to learn to trust them again and that will be hard.

Hearing about men doing this sort of stuff makes me sick to my stomach. They are the reason allot of good guys get a bad reputation.

Hope you work yourself through this.

sometimes i think it was my fault. i though he was good looking when i met him and maybe flirted with him a bit in the beginning. but i wasn't in the state to consent to anything with him. what makes me really mad is that he was confronted about it by my friend and he first denied it ... then admitted to it but said i came onto him and i made him do it. i don't understand how a 5 ft 4 girl whose passing out drunk can make a 6 foot man have sex with her.

tsdoll wrote:

sometimes i think it was my fault. i though he was good looking when i met him and maybe flirted with him a bit in the beginning. but i wasn't in the state to consent to anything with him. what makes me really mad is that he was confronted about it by my friend and he first denied it ... then admitted to it but said i came onto him and i made him do it. i don't understand how a 5 ft 4 girl whose passing out drunk can make a 6 foot man have sex with her.

He took advantage of you being drunk, and there is absolutely no excuse for what he did. I'll be honest with you, if he were to do something like this around where I live. Around the people I know, he would get tied down and castrated.

I hope you have told your parents. Trust me they will understand and will help you through it.

i don't think i could ever tell my parents

tsdoll wrote:

i don't think i could ever tell my parents

I understand how that feels.

There was allot of things I thought I couldn't tell my parents.

I remember when I was 15, and I had been an avid smoker for 2 years. My grandmother had caught me smoking in the backyard. First thing she said to me was "I'm very disappointed in you, you need to tell your father."

Quick cut in the story to say this. I was raised by my grandparents, I call them Mom and Dad. I know it's freaky, but hey.

Anyways, I had to apprently tell my Dad. I was scared friggin......poopless. I thought the man was going to kill me. He was the type too.

So I took a deep breath, swallowed what fealt like my liver... or some other organ.

Walked up, "Hey Pop." he says, "Yea, What is it". Frankly by that point, the way he answered me allmost made me wizz myself. I say "I have been smoking, for 2 years now".

He says, "Ok, just don't flip the butts in the yard." I nearly fainted, not what I expected.

Anyways the moral of this story is, trust that your parents will understand. Just come out and say it to them, you might be surprised. Even if they don't understand at least they will know, and that will make you feel a bit better.

i wish i could but i know i can't.

Remo wrote:

tsdoll wrote:

i don't think i could ever tell my parents

I understand how that feels.

There was allot of things I thought I couldn't tell my parents.

I remember when I was 15, and I had been an avid smoker for 2 years. My grandmother had caught me smoking in the backyard. First thing she said to me was "I'm very disappointed in you, you need to tell your father."

Quick cut in the story to say this. I was raised by my grandparents, I call them Mom and Dad. I know it's freaky, but hey.

Anyways, I had to apprently tell my Dad. I was scared friggin......poopless. I thought the man was going to kill me. He was the type too.

So I took a deep breath, swallowed what fealt like my liver... or some other organ.

Walked up, "Hey Pop." he says, "Yea, What is it". Frankly by that point, the way he answered me allmost made me wizz myself. I say "I have been smoking, for 2 years now".

He says, "Ok, just don't flip the butts in the yard." I nearly fainted, not what I expected.

Anyways the moral of this story is, trust that your parents will understand. Just come out and say it to them, you might be surprised. Even if they don't understand at least they will know, and that will make you feel a bit better.

That's probably a good idea for sane parents, not everyone has sane parents. So people should use their best judgement.

sometimes i wish so bad that i could rewind time

I'm so sorry something that despicable can happen...and that it did... Its wrong and immoral... Truly sick...

However I think that you have let this event effect you... You say it hasn't ruined your life but from the sounds of things you've adapted a whole different persona. You have to remember because one person is bad doesn't mean they all are. I'm not saying "just get over it" we are all human and it takes time to process things to get out of our system and deal with them. What I am saying is that in time you'll be ok. Life will go on, as long as you don't harbor this event within you.

As far as telling people that's entirely up to you. Let people know when you are ready for them to know. I also think that you trying to get your life on a better track is also a good thing. People shouldn't ever pressure anyone into doing something. Its a simple word "No" but sometimes its so hard to say...

Take care, my best wishes to you.

tsdoll wrote:

sometimes i wish so bad that i could rewind time

We can't... Sadly... But if we could the outcome may not be better... In fact it may be worse..

Ok here is some insight to what I'm saying... I lived with my mother and father then they divorced I barely remember it. I got a step dad who wasn't bad (funny that rhymed lol sorry ) Things went sour and I lived with my grandmother... Who raised me until adulthood... That woman ( my grandmother ) is a evil vile woman... I wanted so much to go back in time and change things and fix them.. But I couldn't so I accepted it... carrying on, and skipping ahead to make a long story short... I moved back in with my mother which then eventually led me to meeting who I feel is my soul mate. I now live with my girlfriend and we are both happy as can be... ( even though I just got fired today )...

My point being is things happen for a reason no matter how bad they may be... Some call this fate some call it karma, destiny, even god... Call it what you will it won't stop the world from turning. Its hard to "just accept things" but in the end that's what we have to do... Ya know?

holy sh**!, I apologize for the ahole-ness of men altogether.
and it is very important to share your feelings and let the people you love be aware of what happened. Although it might not be the right time yet. Also I would suggest seeing a therapist, it sounds stupid but I know from experience that can really help, just knowing someone is there to listen and try to help you get through your problems is a nice feeling. and as for your friends, if they were truly your friends they wouldn't find you hanging out with them and NOT doing all the drugs and drinking. I have friends who drink and friends who don't and I've made it very clear to all of the that I will never drink in my life and they respect that and are fine with it. Good Luck getting through the tough times. hope my advice can help!

thank you guys for listening... im probably going to look into counseling or therapy soon.

tsdoll wrote:

no it wasn't my first sexual experience, but it was my first time having sex.
and i want to have normal relationships but i feel like i can't right now and i don't know when i'll be able to

My greatest advice to u would be “it never happened “

Convince yourself that this experience never happened, lie to yourself

it is only my opinion , but this method really works for me